Survivor's Guilt
by Epicocity
Summary: Oneshot. Lahar was dead. The Magic Council was dead. Doranbolt was not, and he'd be damned if he let another person die while he still lived.


**This was a little something that came to mind. I hope you all enjoy it. Note that there's spoilers through Chapter 387.**

**Rated T for some language.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Fairy Tail. All rights belong to Hiro Mashima.**

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**Survivor's Guilt**

A Fairy Tail Fanfiction

If anyone asked Mest Gryder, or Doranbolt, or whatever he needed to be called for the operation at hand what he really thought of himself, the words that would come out of his mouth would probably surprise anybody. If he had told his self of seven years ago what he thought now, that very same self would probably stand there and say "bullshit". He wouldn't argue either. Goodness knows that if he hadn't experienced all those things himself, he'd think the same thing.

But now, thinking on the events of the last forty-eight hours alone, Doranbolt knew exactly what he'd call himself: a fraud.

That was all he was to everybody. The fraud that infiltrated Fairy Tail. The fraud that left them to die because he was too busy shitting his pants to save them. The fraud who couldn't even face them or look them in the eye during the Games. The fraud who called himself a member of the Magic Council and then turned around and stabbed them in the back. The fraud who had looked at Lahar's lifeless body with his own eyes.

He could only give an ironic chuckle at that.

"And what exactly is there to laugh about?" Doranbolt turned his head to look at the white Exceed that was scolding him.

"It's nothing." Carla, he believed that was the Exceed's name, sat next to him with a mighty huff, her gaze ever drawn in the direction of the fallen girl he had brought with her. That had been an experience and a half, bandaging her up. No doubt Carla would throw a fit once she would realize he had done it.

"Why did you save us?" the white Exceed demanded. "I thought all you Councilors had it out for us Fairy Tail members."

"Why?" he repeated. That was a loaded question. "Isn't it enough that I saved your life?"

"Hardly," Carla admitted, her eyes never leaving Wendy's prone form. "You must have had a reason."

"So I need a reason to save people now?" Doranbolt asked with a chuckle. He didn't find it funny, though. Not really. "Remember that Wendy was once my partner."

"Fraudulently." There was that word again, forever chewing at his soul: _fraud_. "And if you remember that, then you'll also remember that we told you to leave our guild alone and threatened you."

"I'm a forgiving person," Doranbolt lied. He wasn't forgiving. He hated Jellal for years even though he'd never even met the man. He didn't forgive injustice.

"Liar," called Carla on his bluff. "I think you saved us because you feel guilty."

"What do I have to feel guilty of?" Doranbolt asked, his words as hollow as ever. Carla didn't answer him either. She didn't need to. He gave another ironic chuckle as he thought about it.

Surviving. He was always good at that. If there was one thing that Doranbolt had mastered, it was the art of survival. He had survived what he believed to be a massacre on Tenrou Island. He had survived an attack from seven dragons But worst of all, he had survived that assassination when he had no right to. Lahar; he should have been the one to live. He should have survived. Instead it was scum like him. The worst part: no one even hated him for it. He was almost certain that if he met Natsu again, or Lucy, or…well, any of them, they'd say it was all water under the bridge.

"Do you think I have the right to live?" Doranbolt asked softly, no more than a whisper. Carla could hear it, though, and turned her head for the first time in that conversation.

"Why do you believe that you don't?" she asked, placing a tentative paw on her bandages and wincing.

"I'm a liar," he answered. "I'm a would-be murderer. I'm a coward. I'm a fraud." He took a deep breath before saying what he really thought.

"I'm a survivor."

"That's ridiculous," Carla snapped. Doranbolt was alarmed at the tone. "I may not always approve of that uncouth ruffian and his ridiculously endear-I mean, annoying tomcat, but if there's one thing I've learned from Natsu is that there's nothing wrong with surviving."

"I should have died. Not him…Never him…" Suddenly Carla was at the man's throat, trying to appear as threatening as she could.

"We don't die for our friends!" she yelled. Surprisingly, Wendy didn't wake up. "No matter who you are, you deserve to live on."

"Easy for you to say. You've never betrayed anyone…have you ever even seen anyone die?" he asked hysterically. Carla slapped him as hard as she could not just once, but twice. It didn't hurt, but he was stunned.

"I watched an entire guild vanish before my eyes. I believed I had betrayed my best friend in the whole world. I see horrible visions all the time! I watched the Lucy from the future die right before my eyes and I blamed myself for not seeing it coming! Don't lecture me on pain and regret, young man! None of those are reasons to stop living!"

Doranbolt chuckled again. "How can you Fairy Tail wizards suffer so much, but still be so strong?"

"We have our friends, don't we?" Carla said quietly, almost in a whisper. "Don't you have friends?"

"He's dead."

"But you're not."

"That's my problem." Doranbolt ran an agitated hand through his hair. "I've always done everything to survive and make sure that Lahar made it to the top of the Council. Now, even that dream is dead. I should have gone with him."

"Then you wouldn't be here," Carla reminded him. "How many more would have died then?"

"Touché," he agreed. He looked up toward the setting sun and sighed to himself. "You know, those seven years you were missing, all I did was drink. I couldn't forgive myself. Still can't."

"You have some real problems, you know that?" Doranbolt nodded solemnly.

"Could…do you think…you could forgive me?" he asked desperately, like a final piece of sanity that he could grab on to.

"I could, probably, and knowing Wendy, she never felt the need to," Carla admitted. "However, for everyone else, that's not up to me. You'd have to square that away with every individual Fairy Tail member, though I don't think it would be too hard."

"Yes…of course," he breathed out. His body shook, like tears wanted to fall from his eyes. They never came; he had already cried his allotment of them. "I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…I'm sorry…"

"There's no need to say it over and over."

"I'm so sorry…" He wasn't sure who he was even saying sorry to anymore. Perhaps it was to Lahar for not saving him, or to Org for abandoning him to Jackal's malice. Maybe it was to Carla for making her listen to all this in the first place. Most likely, he was just apologizing for every wrong that he had committed in the name of surviving. People like Carla and Wendy; they were the better ones. "I envy you."

"Well, there's no need for that," Carla said. Doranbolt chuckled yet again.

"On Tenrou, in this situation, you were all willing to risk your lives even when it didn't make sense."

"Fairy Tail's always had a reckless streak," Carla recalled fondly. "In any case, you remind me very much of our guild. Although, I'd prefer you stay away from Wendy, at least. I'm not sure if your hands are going to save her or kill her."

"Of course…" Their conversation was interrupted by the bluenette near them suddenly sitting up.

"Where are we?" was the first thing out of her mouth. Carla instantly walked to her side. "Didn't we explode…? And Face? ! What about Face? !"

"Thanks to you it stopped moving," he told her, a grim smile stretching his face.

"He saved us the moment the explosion happened," Carla informed the girl.

"It was by a hair's breadth," he amended. It didn't matter, because Wendy looked so overjoyed to simply be alive. She and Carla embraced each other and Doranbolt smiled at the touching reunion. Yes, they were so much stronger than him, those consummate Fairy Tail survivors. Even little warriors like Wendy and Carla. They weren't afraid to die, but they weren't afraid to survive either.

_Then you wouldn't be here. How many more would have died then?_ Of course. Just because he survived didn't make him inherently weak. Watching Wendy and Carla embrace reminded him of that. He was alive so that he could try and save lives.

"Thank you, Doranbolt," Wendy suddenly said.

He sighed inside. He was going to tell them the truth. He wasn't going to be a fraud anymore. Now he could, because he realized that his survival meant something. Lahar may have been dead. The Magic Council may have been dead. But he was alive, and he'd be damned if he let another person die while he still lived just because he couldn't get over his survivor's guilt. Nothing else mattered, and Fairy Tail taught him that. Even if there was just one person left, even if it was just her, he would protect them.

Because that was what it meant to _live_.

_Fín_

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**Author's Note: What originally started as an introspective piece into Doranbolt's psyche became a conversation between him and Carla. I like it much better. Anyway, I wrote this because I believe that Doranbolt holds an extreme amount of survivor's guilt given everything he went through and that's part of why he was so desperate to save whoever was stopping Face. Here I show him coming to grips with that because I doubt Mashima would ever delve into it in the story. Anyway, if you liked or disliked, it doesn't matter, just drop me a Review and Dare to Be Silly.**

**Epicocity**


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